Raleigh – 4 Day Countdown!

(watch the video or you’ll have no clue what my diatribe is referring to)

I’ve made some bold comments in my lifetime as well as some asinine declarations. But this may just be the most serious one to date. I want to hire this kid to follow me around wherever I go on Friday and play this song. Whether I’m at lunch, on the phone, meeting with potential skeeball sponsors, or taking a shower – I want him there playing this song. I do have a few questions though. What exactly is that instrument? And is that a kazoo attached? Does anyone recognize this kid? He’s got real talent – the kind where he could audition for America’s Got Talent and make it all the way to the finals just playing this one song over and over.

So if anyone knows this dude or can research where he lives, I want to buy him for Friday (and if he does a good job, maybe pay him overtime to stick around until 11:59am on Saturday). He would have to cut his hair and/or wear a skeeball hat, but other than that I think we’re good to go. He’s only at 20,000 views so far which means I still have a shot at him. Once folks reach 100,000 and more thats when they start charging outrageous amounts for appearances and the such. But 20,000 hits – I’m thinking I could get him for a few Arby’s roast beef n cheddar sandwiches and some skeeball trading cards (not autographed…obviously).

Side note – I’ll be sticking around Raleigh through Saturday, so if anyone wants to grab lunch on Friday to meet this kid and/or discuss strategy for Super Saturday, gimme a shout.

Double side note – There’s been talks of a “spaghetti dinner” on Friday night in order to carb load for Saturday (although I’m pretty sure someone called me a “Carb-faced fatty” the other day – so maybe I’ll just stick to salad and Bacardi 151 dressing), and I’ve also heard discussions of a Kegs n Eggs gathering on Saturday morning.

Triple Side note – I’m gonna throw this disclaimer out there like a warped frisbee and see who it hits in the head: Super Saturday is a ton of fun – but it’s also a long day of hanging out with friends, boozing, and playing skeeball. I do NOT recommend pre-boozing for this event. I once lost in the championship match because I was too drunk to find the 20. Yes, the 20. There isn’t a day that goes by that I wish I hadn’t said “Yes!” to those last 24 shots of tequila. True story. That being said, you’re all grown adults so do whatever you want. God Bless America!

Greetings High Rollers,

How about that for an intro, huh? Somebody give that man a klondike bar!

The rest of the post will be fairly quick. Here’s the schedule for this week’s posts:

Today – rules

Wednesday – Explanation of tourneys, hundo shootout, etc.

Thursday – Playoff Analysis and Wild Card Picks

Friday – High Rollers Report and final words

RULES FOR PLAYOFFS AND INDIVIDUAL TOURNAMENTS

Read these thoroughly. If you break them and/or give me the old “but I didn’t read that rule!” I’ll have zero to zilch sympathy for you.

1) SUBS

For the duration of the playoffs and Super Saturday, if a team needs a sub, they may NOT use a player who has played as a registered roller in the league this skeeson, nor may they use a roller from a different city as a sub. This means if Skeen Smith’s All Stars need a last minute sub, they’ll have to ask friends of friends in the building, make some calls, or go grab someone off the street. They can’t use anyone that has rolled this skeeson. (If someone has subbed a few times but wasn’t part of an actual team, they may be eligible.)

Be sure you have at least one sub lined up. I’ve seen it happen several times before – car trouble, overslept, hungover, family emergency, etc. Make sure you have a sub in the wings if need be.

2) HECKLING

It’s the playoffs – it happens. Below are a few guidelines to keep it fairly clean.

– No cursing. If you said “You’re a mother @#$%er and you suck at skeeball you pile of caterpillar $hit” that would be an absolute violation and you’d be penalized accordingly. However, if you said “I recently witnessed you copulating with a female who has a child, and by the way you are terrible at skeeball you lump of caterpillar dung” that would be okay. Basically just try to keep it clean – it’s skeeball after all, no need to be a Richard.

– No physical contact during rolling. This includes, but is not limited to: pushing, blowing in a person’s ear, throwing anything at or near the person (food, ice cubes, popcorn, etc), touching anything they’re wearing (hats, earrings, pants, shoes, etc).

– While your opponent is rolling, you must be behind them (out of their line of sight). No exceptions.

3) TARDINESS

You must be present within 10 minutes of your scheduled match time. Otherwise, you’re disqualified. This means your team would have to roll without you. If it’s an individual game, you’d lose.

Violations of the heckling rules can result in any of the following, depending on the severity of the violation and the mood of the Skee E.O.

-a warning

-loss of anywhere from 10 – 50 points on your next roll

-loss of anywhere from 1 – 3 balls on your next roll

-immediate ejection from the building

Alright, I’m tired of typing. There was a little snafoo (how do you spell snafoo? snafu? snaffoo?) with the shirts, so I’m about to hop in the car to Raleigh to take care of business and get things fixed and then head back. That means I’ll be in the car a lot today, so feel free to email/call with your personal predictions, comments, or trash-talking. Have a great day everyone!

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