I’m not going to to make any predictions here, but I will break down each match for you.
#1 Pirates of the Cariskeein vs #8 Ali Baba and the 40 Skeeves
Listen, I play for the Pirates and I’m pretty frickin’ nervous about tonight. The combination of Wes and Jen D could be lethal and could result in the biggest upset in Raleigh skeeball history. However, it all depends on who their third roller is tonight.
The Pirates will need to return to their early-skeeson form in order to pull of the victory and make a statement to the rest of the teams.
This match will be much closer than people think, but the Pirates pull it off.
#2 Skeen Smith’s All-Stars vs. #7 Brewper Scoopers
It’s official – Ehren has found his 40. But will it be enough to carry his team past a very steady and impressive Skeen Smith squad? If Elizabeth and Brandy can focus and not let the Wild Card Tourney distract them from the match, they may have a shot at this upset. And by “may have a shot at this upset” I obviously mean they get stomped by Spencer, Matt T and whomever they decide to use for their third roller. Skeen Smith crushes Brewper Scoopers by 40 points.
#3 The Tim Skeebows vs. #6 Skeed Marks
This is going to be a helluva match. I’d pay for front row seats for this. Or maybe I’ll just sit against the wall and reset the machine after each game. Yes, that’s a much better idea.
Do not – I repeat – Do not sleep on the Skeed Marks. Dana has been smooth sailing all year and the recent signing of Sara Baker to replace JD has done miracles for this squad. The question mark here is Katie. She’s up and down, hot and cold. Which Katie shows up tonight will determine this team’s fate (no pressure Katie).
We all know about The Tim Skeebows. They were in the #2 spot all year and then lost it in Week 8. But they’re good. Really good.
Danielle scares the living $hit out of me on the skeeball lanes, but not tonight. I’m picking Skeed Marks in a huge upset.
#4 Skeet Skeet MoFuggas vs. #5 Team Krzyzewskees
Ba-bu-skee! Ba-bu-skee! Ba-bu-skee! The guy can flat out roll. But his teammates have been all over the charts with their scores and there’s even rumors they may not be able to make it tonight.
Meanwhile, Ryan and Team K-Skees have stepped it up big time in the second half of the skeeson and are looking to make waves in the playoffs.
Team Krzyzewskees advance past Skeet Skeet MoFuggas in a very close match.
So there you have it – no predictions, just expert analysis.
Final predictions: Pirates of the Cariskeein, Skeen Smith’s All-Stars, Skeed Marks, and Team K-Skees all advance to Super Saturday!
WILD CARD PICKS
#17 Becca R. vs. #24 Stacy G.
I flipped a coin on this one. Becca wins.
#18 Ehren vs. #23 Shanna
Did I say Ehren has found his 40 already? Yes, I did. But that doesn’t matter. Shanna is super pi$$ed after being knocked out of the playoffs by Skeed Marks and takes out her anger on the 40 hole. Ehren goes down in two straight games and immediately heads to the bar for some self-medication.
#19 Elizabeth vs. #22 Brandy
A battle of skeemates, friends, and so much more (get your mind out of the gutter). This all depends on Brandy’s sobriety (or lack there of). If she has a solid buzz going, she usually rolls pretty well. But I’m picking Elizabeth on this one – unless Brandy drinks some sort of champagne/vodka/fruit punch concoction out of a gas dispenser before the match. What?!?!? Huh?!?!?
#20 Josh vs. #21 Jess
This one is a tough one. You’ve got Josh “The Great Gatskee” who’s quite the showman and can pull a hundo or two when needed. And then you’ve got the quiet and sneaky Jess. I say sneaky because she can roll well and before you know it you’ve lost the match. This is going to be a great match to watch, but I’m picking The Great Gatskee to move on.
#17 Becca R. vs. #20 Josh
The Great Gatskee is still on fire from his first round match and spares no mercy on Becca. He wins in two straight games and advances to the finals. Becca loses and lets loose a tirade of curse words that would make even me blush.
#19 Elizabeth vs. #23 Shanna
Shanna is still pi$$ed from her playoff loss and doesn’t even shake Elizabeth’s hand before the match. She starts the match with a hundo and doesn’t look back. Shanna moves on in two straight.
#20 Josh vs. #23 Shanna
I like Josh. He’s got the energy, the dedication, and the focus to pull this thing off. But again, you don’t f*ck with a chick who just got bounced from the playoffs. I’m picking Shanna to win the Wild Card Tourney. Watch out Desiree!