Soooo The First Lady gets all sucked into these reality shows – Amazing Race, Biggest Loser, True Beauty, American Idol, and of course The Bachelor. This means that on almost any given night the TV at skeeball headquarters is tuned to one of these. (Either that or I’m forced to sequester myself in the back room with the 7″ tv courtesy of Mr. Burgundy)
Last night was no exception as it was apparently The Bachelor finale and homeboy Jason had to choose between Melissa and Molly. Spoiler Alert – He picked Melissa. But then 6 weeks later he changed his mind and picked Molly. And I think I figured out why.
He obviously, just as I do, bases the majority of his big decisions around skeeball. What to drink from the fridge – a juice box or a 40 of Schlitz. I’m obviously going 40. What to tip the cocktail waitress after a long night of bevvys – a 10 or a Hundo. I’m obviously going hundo. And this situation was no different. He initially picked Melissa, without weighing the skeeball ramifications. Then when he and Melissa and his crazy weirdo son Ty all went to Chuck E. Cheese’s for some “family fun”, the shocking horror was revealed – Melissa sucked at skeeball.
This began to eat away at him and he finally realized he had made a mistake. I mean clearly Molly is the better skee-baller – she’s got the lanky build,the competitive edge, and the fire in her eyes. She doesn’t lose in skeeball. Melissa just doesn’t have it – I guarantee she’s a ball-chucker. You know what I’m talking about. These pretty girls that come into the league and last about a skeeson or two because they can’t roll well – they take the ball into their stiff arm and without any real grace or agility, they chuck the ball at the lane – no aiming, no bending over, no soft release – just chuck. Chuck Chuck Chuck. And I guarantee Melissa was a ball-chucker.
As a matter of fact, I bet Molly could even kick Jason’s a$$ in skeeball. He’d be too busy crying/chasing his crazy son/crying/checking out other chicks/crying to focus on his 40. Yes, it’s a no-brainer, Molly is the best skeeballer of the bunch.
Now it’s your turn America – Who’s the best skeeballer from The Bachelor?